Back in 2017, The Vampire Diaries aired it’s last episode. This was my ultimate TV Show. I was all in, so invested and absolutely beautifully heartbroken at the end. I cried hysterically during the final episode and I have not been able to watch it sense. Not because it was bad or I didn’t like it, but because it was too much for me to emotionally handle. Leading up the end I was sad about it and I thought then, I was experiencing some form of grief. It turns out, yeah maybe I was but the sadness I felt then, is nothing compared to what I’ve been feeling since the moment the news rang about this being the finale season of SPN and what I’ve continued to feel the months leading to May 18th, and then the feeling of the show being put on hold because of COVID-19, and then the news that the series would finally begin filming again in the beginning of September, the news of when the finale would actually air this time, November 18th, and then today, learning the news that today, the incredible cast and crew that have brought us this show and changed our lives would be filming the very last of the show, today.
This entire thing has been kind of weird because I had never realized that you could actually grieve a TV Show and I felt kind of silly until Lynn Zubernis (@/FangasmSPN on twitter) would talk about how normal that actually was. It validated the feelings of sadness I felt. I’m an insanely emotional person so all of these feelings were really taking me for a ride. Every post, every video, all of it warmed my heart to see others seemingly share my emotions but it also made me cry, every damn time. The concept of grieving a TV Show is not something I feel confident telling the world, because not everyone understands that, or will believe in that but one of the many incredible things about the SPN Family is that, you get it. We are all in it. I’m beyond grateful not to be alone in it.
While I plan to go into much more detail on all of this in more vulnerable posts as the actual finale gets closer to airing on TV I will say that the one major thing I’ve gotten out of this show is a sense of not being alone. Many times I’ve credited Jared and his vulnerability to open up and talk about his mental health as being the driving force that made me look at myself and go “whoa, you are in a battle with your mind too, we should look into this”. And I’ll continue to say it until the end of time. My anxiety and my less talked about depression are battles that I face every single day and it is truly a constant every day fight with yourself and it’s exhausting. Whether it be Jared speaking out, a Dean Winchester quote from the show, watching the Winchesters fight through every impossible odd, this show made me feel less alone in my fight, and provided the extra strength I needed to examine myself and keep fighting.
I have never had the privilege of going to a Convention but I’m grateful to those who have, and that they’ve shared their experiences whether in photos, videos, youtube videos, or otherwise because I was able to watch and live it through you and feel the loving vibe that comes along with being in this fandom. Sometimes I think the only reason I go on Twitter these days is to see things from the SPN Family. The fandom is so talented it blows my mind! Whether it’s a great article from the Nerds and Beyond team, (@/nerdsandbeyond), incredible products from Shelley and Con*Quest Journals, (@/Quest_Journals), the inspiring words from Lynn (@/fangasmSPN), and the content and videos from Alana King (@/_KingBooks_). I mention these few specifically because they are how I found the SPN Family in the first place and I’ve gone on to follow and interact with some more wonderful members over the years! I love the excitement felt when Jared or Jensen randomly go on social media. I love following Misha because he is an incredible soul and gives me hope for humanity. I love reading Kim Rhodes tweets because I feel them deeply, Briana Buckmaster is such a ray of sunshine. Rachel Miner is a true unicorn. (Just to name a few of course!) The music from Jensen and Steve and Louden Swain, plus any covers the cast has done have their very own playlist that is my go to in any mood whether it’s for homework, I’m sad, I’m driving in the car, having an anxiety attack, cleaning the house, I don’t feel alone with their voices.
Over the years, we’ve cried with them, laughed with them, encouraged them, hoped for them and loved with them. Now of course, we’ll grieve with them, celebrate with them and ride off together in Baby with them. Every single writer, show runner, guest star, main star, every person who every touched this show with the slightest of touch is a part of making this show as historic as it is. There is the saying “nothing ever really dies, does it?” and I believe that’s never been more true than for our show. The filming will stop, new episodes will run out, the crew and the cast will go on to new projects and the fandom will continue to watch more incredible TV shows that are out there. But no matter what, there will never be another show like Supernatural, there will never be another Sam, Dean, Castiel, Crowley, Jodie, Donna, Jack, Bobby, Kevin, John, Mary, Lucifer, God, Rowena, Charlie or Baby of any kind because those mentioned, and the plethora that were not, are one of a kind, both the characters and the actors/actresses that played them are special. They will forever take up space in our hearts and I like to believe that once SPN is truly finished we will continue to champion those show runners, writers, actresses and actors (and everyone else) as they go about their new beginnings. I know I will.
Thank you Supernatural for giving me the strength to keep fighting, keep pushing through and to be Wayward AF. For the courage to be myself, find my dreams and fight for them. A wise man once said, Family Don’t End With Blood, and my God that could not ring more true. Congratulations to all involved in Supernatural the beginning, the end and every single moment in between. This show is historic, this show is Iconic and deserves to be celebrated until the end of time. I’m so grateful to have something that makes it so damn hard to say goodbye too. Let yourselves feel the emotions, it’s part of what makes this show so special. Continue to laugh, to cry, lean on one another, ask for help, keep on swinging and keep on fighting. It’s what the Winchesters would do.