I’ve really struggled with wanting to write and say so much about this show. Months back, I had plans to do so many blog posts honoring my favorite people, lessons, episodes, quotes, and so on, but when the time came, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t allow myself to prep for the end of something that I wasn’t ready to accept yet. It wasn’t until yesterday that I wrote anything at all, and it wasn’t until today that I finally figured out that I didn’t need to write a weeks or months worth of blog posts on this show as if it was the end of the actual world if I didn’t. So instead, I wrote this. My anxiety always gets the better of me and tells me that I’ll miss something important, an important character, a critical moment I should have mentioned and did I? of course I probably did. There’s so much in fifteen years; how does one remember it all when she’s just writing out whatever pops into her head at 5 pm on a Wednesday, the day before her all-time favorite show comes to an end? This post is just that, anything that came to mind, at the moment, I wrote down. I think it flows pretty well, considering. I can’t organize my thoughts, they’re still too jumbly, and I’m currently overcome with far too much anxiety and emotion even to try. Yet, I wanted to write something, something to put out into the world about my favorite show, about two boys who entered the family business of saving people and hunting things, who, along the way, added an Angel, a Nephilim, a couple of sheriffs, a town drunk, a prophet, a nerd and more into the family. Who, no matter what, continued to save people and hunt things, and who we watched grow up to become heroes, and find themselves, and what they’re made of, as we found ourselves, and learned that we’re capable of, right alongside them.
Let’s get into it.
This show has blessed us with episodes such as Dog Dean Afternoon, Fan Fiction, Changing Channels, Scoobynatural, Mystery spot, and the French mistake, all of which are the go-to comfort episodes that I watch whenever I need a pick me up. It’s also given us episodes that still, to this day, freak me out, such as Season one’s episodes of Bloody Mary and Bugs, and the first clown episode that I still cannot bring myself to watch because much like Sam Winchester, I’m utterly terrified of them.
We have walked through dreams with them, fought Alpha vampires with them, got played by the trickster, more than once, with them. We got to witness drunk Cas, Demon dean, and soulless Sam. We watched Sam fight with his psychic abilities, Dean with the Mark of Cain, and so much more. We were along for the ride as the Winchester family grew, adding in the likes of Bobby, Cas, Jack, Ellen, Jo, Donna, Jody, Garth, Kevin, and Charlie, to name only a few. We got to watch episodes Directed by Jensen, Misha, Rob, Richard, and more. We saw Dean eat Pizza with Death, Sam making magic with Rowena, and Cas being a human. We got to see Jensen play Dean, play Michael, and go back to playing Dean. We got to see Jared play Sam, Sam, without a Soul, and then play Lucifer. We got to see Misha play Cas the angel, Cas, the human, play Lucifer, and even watched him play Lucifer pretending to be Cas. Extraordinary.
We cried as we lost Bobby, Charlie, Jo, Ellen, Rowena, Mary, Cas, and yes, Sam and Dean a few times, proving that nothing is ever more true than the statement that nothing ever really dies on supernatural. We watched demons rise and angels fall and learned that Angels can be dicks, and that all demons were once human. We watch as Sam and Dean, who were destined to be Lucifer and Michael’s vessels, fight for their own free will. We watched Cas, sent to be nothing more than a soldier of God, find his own free will, and forge his own path, helping and saving the Winchesters at every turn.
We got to watch as Sam and Dean worked through their own issues, on top of the world’s issues. Their mommy issues, daddy issues, problems with each other. We got to see them fight Azazel alongside their father, and later in the seasons, while being reunited with Mary, we got to see them fight alongside her as well. We watched the Winchesters cosplay with Charlie, rock cowboy hats, time travel, learn that their lives are books, and being put together as a play in an all-girls’ school. We watched them reluctantly team up with the likes of Ruby, Meg, and Crowley because it was necessary. We watch them lose each other, and find each other, literally go to hell and back, scream at each other, and love one another. We watch them try to have normal lives and watch as they get ripped back into the world of saving people and hunting things. We watch them keep secrets from one another and collectively scream at the TV for them to be honest with one another. We watch Sam, Dean, and Cas protect and watch over Jack and navigate a whole new kind of water, even for them. We watch them fight archangels, kings of hell, knights of hell, the darkness, and finally, God himself.
We watched them profess their love and loyalty to one another; we watch them admit they’re stronger together. We watch them get up every single time they’re knocked down and keep on swinging. They always kept fighting, from Azazel to Lucifer, to Dick Roman, to purgatory, to the cage, possessed by demons, multiple apocalypses, the world run over by ghosts and demons and zombies. Whether they just had each other or had all of their family, whether they could see the win approaching or it felt as though all hope was lost, Sam and Dean Winchester never stopped fighting. Cas never stopped fighting. Jack never stopped fighting. Jody and Donna never stopped fighting. Even with their deaths, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, Charlie, and Kevin kept swinging as long as possible.
No matter the monster, no matter the size of the battle, no matter the odds, the Winchesters taught me, taught us, to always keep fighting. The show will end, and each one of us will take our own unique pieces from the show to hold close to our hearts forever, but I like to think that the Universal piece that we’ll all have a hold of is the message to always keep fighting, to always get back up, to always keep swinging. This entire week has not been easy for me. This whole second half of season fifteen has not been easy for me. You know it’s going to be hard, you know it’s going to take a toll on you, but you don’t really know just how much ‘til you’re in it, you know? I’ve been angry. I’ve been sad; I’ve been mostly anxious. Anxious about the end, anxious about how I’ll feel waking up Friday morning knowing that there will never be another new supernatural episode. I don’t do well with the unknown or feeling lost. When I first found Supernatural, I was lost. I was so, so lost and I found it by complete accident. It turned into the greatest escape and, quite literally, saved my life. So how do you say goodbye to that? I don’t really think it’s possible. I’ve avoided it as long as I possibly could, but the truth is, avoiding it isn’t going to make it not happen; tomorrow will still come, the episode will still air, and the Winchesters will, for lack of a better term, hang up their boots.
So I’ll throw on one of my Supernatural t-shirts, a flannel, of course, a forest of tissues, have some of this Oreo Pudding Pie I’m attempting to make (because it just felt right). I’ll pour a giant glass of wine or tequila, whichever I decide, and sit down at 8 pm EST, one last time, with the Winchesters. I’ll cry, my heart will feel like it’s going to burst, but I’ll also be grateful that I’ve been able to experience something that is making it so damn hard to say goodbye to. Something that has made me laugh, made me angry, made me sad, made me cry, made me scream, made me jump, made me cheer, and that made me keep fighting over the years.
To the characters, to the creators, to the writers, to the directors, to the crew, to the cast, to the actors, no amount of words will be able to properly thank you for the hard work, dedication, and love that has been poured into this show for the last fifteen years. But I hope that anyone who ever had even a small impact on this show will read the articles, posts, tweets, interviews, and the messages of fans and actors alike who have expressed their gratitude and love for this family. As much as it hurts, right now, as I’m writing this, waiting for tomorrow night to come, I’ll always be so grateful for this show bringing me, Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Castiel, Misha Collins, Jared Padalecki, Jensen Ackles and so many more. I’m grateful for the life lessons, I’m thankful for the escape, and I’m grateful for the strength that this “little show that could”, gives me every day, whether on-air or not, to always keep fighting.