The year of Tequila and Red Lipstick
This year was a lot. It seems like every year for the last few years have been a lot. But with all of it has come with growth and lots of it. I’ve surprised myself many times, found even more strength I didn’t know I had but also found acceptance within myself of my multiple vulnerabilities. I’m an emotional person, that isn’t going to change, I just need to embrace it. My anxiety was still front and center, I discovered a slight uptake in my anxiety in crowds and had my first panic attack while grocery shopping when it was completely packed with people just a few months ago. At the beginning of the year, I realized I needed to not only focus on skincare, but it’d be nice to have a routine, and while I’m not perfect with it, I at least have one. I remember to take my make up off when I wear it, wash my face, moisturize, and all that good stuff that my future self will thank me for when I look in a mirror. Speaking of make-up this past year I dove into more than just mascara and eyeliner. I still barely have a clue as, to what I’m doing, but at least I own some brushes, some sponges, fell in love with the power of concealer, and as it mentions in the title of this post, red lipstick. And not just read lipstick, I realized I like lipstick in general, but red lipstick is quite a bold move for little old me, and I surprised myself with how much I like it. I dove into a love of wine, it’s just one kind, a cheap five dollar bottle from my local store, and I even think it’s a local brand, but it’s white, sweet, and yummy. I fell madly in love with Tequila. I’ve always been a vodka kind of gal, and I still am, but over the last few months I’ve discovered a love of Tequila, and I couldn’t be happier with it. Gimmie a margarita, and everyone is going to have a good day. I went out more this past year that I have in many, many years. Even went to a bar, which as a 26-year-old, should be nothing but a natural occurrence, right? Not for me. It’s one of those situations where my anxiety screams no ma’am, but it was for a friend’s birthday, and my anxiety cooperated, and it was a lovely time. I have wonderful co-workers that turned into friends to thank for this, but I’m also proud of myself and my social anxiety that probably only managed to cancel once or twice all year; for me, that’s stellar stats. I’m incredibly picky with who I spend my time with, and I have to say I’ve had some serious good times this last year. It is also nice to have friends that love and embrace the fine art of game night. I love game night. Give me an alcoholic beverage and a board game, and I’m the happiest of ladies. The hardships that are front and center right now forced me to step up even higher, and I did. It’s not to say it was without anxiety and tears and frustration because let me tell you there is plenty of all that, but every time, I’d accept the vulnerability, take a deep breath and handle it. Which I have accepted is how I am. My anxiety gets me upset, I need to get a handle on me, then I get a handle on the situation and do whatever needs to be done. That’s important.
I discovered some women-driven podcasts that I love, explored even more music, and thinking it was not even possible I jumped in even deeper into my love of TV. I took a film class very early in the year for school, and I truly began to question the possibility of being professionally involved in TV and Movies. It was one of the most fun classes I’ve ever taken, and just one class opened my eyes to even more things about the industry that no one ever thinks about, that I notice now, and it just expanded my love for it all. I have always loved the acting in movies and TV, the actors and actresses in the scenes but this past year I began to really appreciate the people behind the words. The writers. I’m a su,cker for live-tweeting during my favorite shows, and I’ve begun to shout out the writers more and more because they deserve so much credit for their work, and I don’t think they get enough. The directing and the cinematography are also aspects that I’ve noticed way more and learned to appreciate. I became newly obsessed with shows like Batwoman, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and Jack Ryan while staying completely obsessed with the all-time favorites of Supernatural, Greys Anatomy, and Riverdale; to name very few. One thing I’ve decided as I enter 27 years old is that I want to focus more on my writing. More than just my blog writing. I mean writing as in taking a scene from a TV show and writing my own, or expanding it, just seeing what I can do. Finding more writing prompts and using that. Writing is important to me, and its fun for me, and I want to focus on that more.
I have not read enough, and I’m mad at myself about it. I’ve bought Elizabeth Gilberts City of Girls where I’m about 50 pages in, Nico Tortorella’s book which I have no opened, Felicity Days Embrace your weird, which I think I’ve read ten pages, I still have not finished Michelle Obama’s book, I haven’t opened Nora Roberts book all year. It’s not to say I don’t’ enjoy these books, because I do. I’m anxious to read them. I bought them as soon as many of them were released because I wanted to read them so badly, but yet I haven’t made enough time to read them. I could blame work or school, and of course, they’re factors, but I still feel like finding twenty minutes a day could have been done, and I hope to dedicate more time to that this year.
All in all, 26 wasn’t the best, but it wasn’t the worst. I lost some things and some people, but I also found some things and some people. Every year I strive to be more of myself. Talk about the things I love, do the things I love, watch and listen to the things I love and just embrace it all. From reading to star wars to marvel to comic book-based TV, mental health awareness, women empowerment, wrestling, Dallas Cowboy football, and so much more. There is no need to hide any part of myself because I am who I am. I haven’t mastered that, hardly at all, but I’ve made progress with it, which is all you can ask for in this crazy life. In my post last year, on being 25 right before I turned 26, I wrote that I wanted to always to keep fighting, never hide who you are, and embracing your quirk, and I feel as though I’ve progressed with all of that. I also said I wanted to work on reading more, which I definitely cannot check off the list as I mentioned before, but I also said I wanted to work on letting go of the things I cannot control. I feel as though I could be better at this, but I also realized this year that I have a little bit of a control issue, but I think that comes with the territory of my anxiety. I will say I’ve tried to focus more on what I can control, than what I cannot, and I see that as a positive twist.
I found a couple of baby pictures when going through a newly found photo album in my moms’ room a few months ago and I thought it’d be fun to add a bunch of photos to this post because nothing shows some of my favorite things of the last 26 years, like the pictures I have. Some are from this past year; some are from 20 years ago, some are from only a few years ago. I loved looking back on all of them.
There is so much I could say about these pictures. I’ve written a phrase under each picture, but there is so much more I could say. I also know I could have added so many more if I could have found them and wanted to bore you. In the last 26 years, I’ve lost many friends, most for the better, but the ones showcased here at the absolute best of the best. The family showcased here, are the best of the best. The selfies are the best of the best because I honestly have the hardest time dealing with myself in selfies. I’ve learned tough lessons, I know that I need to rely on myself, trust myself, handle things myself. But for every fire put out, every panic attack I’ve gotten through, for every anxiety attack that I got myself through to the other side, for every night I cried myself to sleep, for every hard decision I’ve ever made, rough spot I got myself out of, and terrible terrible moments I’ve continued to work through overcoming, I’m better for it.
So here is to another year of crying during my favorite TV shows, focusing on my writing, striving in school, dealing with work, handling business, continuing to work through my anxiety, advocate for mental health, empowering women, fixing our planet, adding to my vegetarian pallet, drinking plenty of tequila, and wearing red lipstick whenever my heart desires it.
Most importantly here is to another year of always fighting, always moving forward, and continuing to embrace who I am.
Here’s to year twenty-seven.